Haiku challenge – to distill a new haiku out of another poem
Carpe Diem has set us a fascinating challenge this time. As Chevrefeuille points out, poets often get their inspiration from the work of other poets, and we can try the same.
The poem offered as a starting point is by Otomo Miyuki and was written at the end of a period of conflict and war.
Our Sovereign, a god,
Has made his Imperial City
Out of the stretch of swamps,
Where chestnut horses sank
To their bellies.
The poem has powerful images – does that make the distillation easier? I don’t know, but if you follow the links on the Carpe Diem post, you’ll find haiku that really rise to this challenge.
The following is my contribution:
Now the swamps are gone
homeless will-o’-wisps will haunt
the imperial streets.
Oh, how I love this one!
Thank you for stopping by and for your lovely comment. i’m so glad you enjoyed the haiku.
Excellent haiku and challenge well met!
Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting. Thank you also for posting your own lovely poems.
yes, this was an intriguing challenge, and you met it royally….a perfect, empty feeling at the end showing how meaningless it all was…
Thank you so much for your visit and your comment.
Very nice. I like the thought of mentioning what was displaced
Thank you for reading my haiku and for commenting. I always think it’s sad – whatever one builds, something loses its home as a result – maybe only a few spiders but it’s still life-threatening to them.
So true. Once I had driven into a parking garage and a spider built a gorgeous web between my car roof and the roof of the garage. I felt sorry to destroy his work.
Spiders must spend a lot of time building webs that get destroyed. I like to think they enjoy the process of making a new one – perhaps they daydream about what they’ll catch in it.
Ahh – paving over the wetlands
never was a good idea
How right you are. Thank you for your visit and comment.
Wonderfully distilled … I am so glad to see that you’ve tried this new challenge and I am happy with your psrticipation in this. Thank you E A M Harris
I enjoyed the challenge and the ‘starter’ poem. Thank you for suggesting it.