Haiku challenge – to distill a new haiku out of another poem

27 Aug 2013

Haiku challenge – to distill a new haiku out of another poem

Carpe Diem has set us a fascinating challenge this time. As Chevrefeuille points out, poets often get their inspiration from the work of other poets, and we can try the same.

The poem offered as a starting point is by Otomo Miyuki and was written at the end of a period of conflict and war.

Our Sovereign, a god,
Has made his Imperial City
Out of the stretch of swamps,
Where chestnut horses sank
To their bellies.

The poem has powerful images – does that make the distillation easier? I don’t know, but if you follow the links on the Carpe Diem post, you’ll find haiku that really rise to this challenge.

The following is my contribution:

Now the swamps are gone
homeless will-o’-wisps will haunt
the imperial streets.

Posted in Blog challenges and sharing, Poetry and tagged Carpe Diem, Chevrefeuille, haiku challenge, Imperial City, Otomo Miyuki

14 thoughts on “Haiku challenge – to distill a new haiku out of another poem”

Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) on September 17, 2013 at 8:58 pm said:

Oh, how I love this one!

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- E A M Harris on September 18, 2013 at 9:14 am said:
  
  Thank you for stopping by and for your lovely comment. i’m so glad you enjoyed the haiku.
  
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Francina on August 28, 2013 at 6:22 pm said:

Excellent haiku and challenge well met!
groetjes, Francina

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- E A M Harris on September 4, 2013 at 9:41 am said:
  
  Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting. Thank you also for posting your own lovely poems.
  
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4joyjoanne on August 28, 2013 at 1:20 am said:

yes, this was an intriguing challenge, and you met it royally….a perfect, empty feeling at the end showing how meaningless it all was…

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- E A M Harris on August 28, 2013 at 10:21 am said:
  
  Thank you so much for your visit and your comment.
  
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Cathy Tenzo on August 27, 2013 at 10:55 pm said:

Very nice. I like the thought of mentioning what was displaced

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- E A M Harris on August 28, 2013 at 10:22 am said:
  
  Thank you for reading my haiku and for commenting. I always think it’s sad – whatever one builds, something loses its home as a result – maybe only a few spiders but it’s still life-threatening to them.
  
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  - Cathy Tenzo on August 28, 2013 at 9:27 pm said:
    
    So true. Once I had driven into a parking garage and a spider built a gorgeous web between my car roof and the roof of the garage. I felt sorry to destroy his work.
    
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  - E A M Harris on September 4, 2013 at 9:39 am said:
    
    Spiders must spend a lot of time building webs that get destroyed. I like to think they enjoy the process of making a new one – perhaps they daydream about what they’ll catch in it.
    
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jazzbumpa on August 27, 2013 at 3:24 pm said:

Ahh – paving over the wetlands
never was a good idea
excellent take

Cheers!
JzB

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- E A M Harris on August 28, 2013 at 10:27 am said:
  
  How right you are. Thank you for your visit and comment.
  
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Chèvrefeuille on August 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm said:

Wonderfully distilled … I am so glad to see that you’ve tried this new challenge and I am happy with your psrticipation in this. Thank you E A M Harris

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- E A M Harris on August 28, 2013 at 10:30 am said:
  
  I enjoyed the challenge and the ‘starter’ poem. Thank you for suggesting it.
  
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